In a previous post I spoke about voices and hallucinations. I mentioned I only hear voices. Lately they are so strong, if I ignore them I get headaches. It’s like a group of people are shouting inside my head. Worst thing is I can tell who’s voice belongs to who. But people know this about me. I still get the look from people. You know the look; raised eyebrow and that what the fuck you talking about stare.
The other night when I went to bed; turned off my lights and just lay in bed. It started happening again. When I was younger I would see things in the dark. Lights falling down like rain. I never understood it, I thought everyone could see them. As I got older I started seeing faces, animal faces, actual human shapes moving towards me. When it first happened I was frightened. I kept thinking can they hurt me? Am I crazy because I see them? And just because of that thought, I have never told people I can sometimes see things in the dark. But now they have started again. Clearer, faster, a lil more scarier. I’ve had one walk towards my bed and just stand there. I have had some of the faces lunge at me and make me jump back. Lately I have been closing my eyes hoping it will go away. But when my eyes are shut I can get light bolts flashing so I open my eyes again.
I don’t know how long this will last again. I don’t even know what it means. Are they hallucinations? If you look up what hallucinations are it says hearing or seeing things that don’t exist. I’m not a medical expert so I won’t say I have hallucinations. I just say I see things. I haven’t told my family this, I want to protect them from it as there is already enough going on in the family. I know I need to speak about it. But I also get worried people won’t believe me.
Has anyone else with bpd suffer with this? Voices, seeing things etc.
I just have to keep reminding myself someone will believe me. And you only need one person who cares for you to believe and you won’t have to constantly listen to the voices telling you; you are crazy.
If anyone ever feels they need someone to talk to. Please know my inbox is always open.