Dear my younger self
I always imagine what I would say to you if I could look at you in the face. I think it’s cliché to say you are going to go through some tough times. But times are going to be tough, sorry innocent one.
You are going to take a razor blade to your skin and continue to do this into your 20’s. You are going to skip meal after meal; even stick fingers down your throat. Body dysmorphia will never make you love your body.
You are going to meet people that are going to hurt you in ways you only thought happened to people in books and films. When these people hurt you, you are not going to handle it well. I wish I could tell you why you think you deserve this to happen to you. I wish I could tell you the specific moment in our younger life made us feel like we deserve to be treated like nothing but garbage? When did we start seeing the darkness in life and the cup become half empty.
I’m sorry young innocent one; you are going to go through rape. No one teaches you how you cope, deal or be after this happens to you. No one tells you just because he says he loves you; doesn’t mean he won’t do it again. You are going to go through suicide attempts, hearing voices in your head and seeing things no one else can see.
It’s not going to be easy baby girl. On this day in 2019 you are still going to be going through the recovery stage. You are still going to be suffering and hurting. But you will have support round you. That innocent smile you once had, may never return. But smile you will again. Even if It’s for short moments; you will smile. You will find love like you read about and watched in the movies.
It sounds scary I know, but this is our life. This happens to us. But stay strong, know that you are still alive, you are still breathing. Know that although your mental illness will come on one day. Know that there are people who and will love us.
Be kind to yourself sometimes