I wrote before about seeing and hearing things that aren’t there. And I guess it’s not easy for people to speak about because of the views other people may have. But I’ve spoken to amazing people, strong and still trying with every ounce in their souls people; who are suffering with borderline personality disorder and they have nearly all said they have hallucinations or hear voices. I want to try and put it out to people; that we aren’t crazy and we aren’t making it up. These things can be scary and can make you look at life differently.
I have always seen a man in my room. Long before the abuse and long before I knew what bpd was. I saw him when I was younger, when I was at uni and who knows how long I will continue to see him. I don’t know the mans features and I only guess it’s a man because well, the silhouette looks like a man. I call the man the black silhouette man. I know it’s not some amazing name. But I don’t want to give him a name. I don’t want to go hey Keith; cus sometimes he lunges at me and to be honest it freaks me out.
What are these hallucinations? I no longer question why I see them. Because I would drive myself crazy, wondering why. But yes; I’m seeing more. The most recent was when I was out and the place I was at had a door open. In the doorway I saw a girl just standing there as I walked past. It stopped me in my tracks. A girl shouldn’t be standing there, so I walked back and of course no one was there. I even sent a picture of the doorway she was standing in to my friend. I don’t know why, I guess I was freaked out at that point and wanted to speak to someone who also had hallucinations.
After that picture and speaking to a few others. I have been told about what they see. A few people have said they see a dark figure, another say they see a woman. I mean I guess I can see why some people could think it’s crazy. If you met someone and they just blurted out:
“Oh hey so I have voices in my head who speak to me and tell me to do things. Oh, also I have hallucinations where I see things and they aren’t real but they can feel very real”
It doesn’t sound like a super sane person does it. But you have to understand. Hallucinations are something someone with borderline personality disorder can suffer with. We can’t just stop listening, we can’t just stop seeing these things. What we can do though is learn to control them. Learn that these hallucinations aren’t going to hurt us, aren’t actually real; no matter how real they seem at the time.
If you suffer with voices and hallucinations. Don’t feel like you can’t speak about them. Don’t let others put you in this “crazy” category and make you think you should keep silent. There are people out there who will listen, who will understand and will help you remember you aren’t alone in this crazy rollercoaster life of borderline personality disorder.
Be safe, look after yourself